hello my name is shana, i like retarded humor and i am a Mormon!!

hey friends,

 

i havent written in a long time, but ive never been real consistent with this blog thing.  but i am bored so i thought i would post.  the big things that have happened since i wrote last well only 2 things stick out in my mind and both happened not too long ago. first one of my best friends Christina Miller went to the Airforce and i miss her alot.  i hope she is okay.  and secondly my oldest brother Jared left for his mission about a week ago, and i miss him.  He went to Richmond, Virginia.  he is 19 and in my church a mission is 2 years long and he cant come home in that whole time.  and we cant go visit him either, all we can do i write letters.  he is in the missionary training center right now.  soon he will be preaching the gospel to people who werent blessed enough to have the truth in thier life.  i am so proud of him.  i cant wait to go on mine, but i have to wait till im 21, which seems like an eternity right now.  But please anyone who reads this, if Mormon missionaries knock on your door, please dont turn them away.  im not saying you have to convert or anything, but atleast listen to thier message, because i know it to be true with all my heart.  and it is very discouraging for them when they get doors slammed in thier face all day so please if you can, stop and listen, i promise it will be worth while

 

shana 

hey friends,

today was okay, i waitressed twice this week. it sucked this morning i only made $25.  but last night i made $50.  so i guess $75 is good for 6 hours of work.  and i think i got like $60 on my check.  after buying christmas presents and buying gas, i am going to have just enough to make my $150 car payment.  yay for me.  when i came home i felt so lazy i have been working both shifts at work for the past 2 days, and i get to sleep late every night because i have stayed up reading the Da Vinchi Code, i finally finished it, and that is an awesome book.  oh and the gayest thing happened yesterday, everyone who has felt my skin will not believe this, i found someone with softer skin than me, and the crazy thing is that he is a guy!!!!  isnt that the craziest thing ever?  i couldnt believe it myself at first.  but anyways something really funny happened today.  that guy that likes me that i mentioned in my last entry, well his mom works at cortez as a cook, and so does his aunt.  and today his aunt pulled me aside and asked me if i had a boyfriend, and i told her no.  and then she pointed to that guy's mom and said, "then you should be her daughter-in-law!"     and she was totally serious, and i just started laughing akwardly, it was quite strange, and then she said jokingly, " so do you not like mexican people shana?"  and it was quite akward indeed.  i got embarrassed.  and of course i dont have a problem with mexican people, but i cant just tell his aunt why i dont like him.  it was strange.  well those were the happenings of my day, and i am excited for christmas! yay! 

hey everyone,

this weekend was okay.  kinda boring but okay.  last night was very... interesting shall we say.  this guy that used to work at cortez has the biggest crush on me.  and he has ever since i have worked there.  i have almost worked there for a year and he still wont give up.  i mean if i liked him like that, i wouldve made a move by now.  and i know it is hard when you like somebody alot to just stop flirting with them, but it really makes me uncomforatable when he does because there are these akward pauses when we talk when he makes inciuations that he wants me to be his girlfriend.  and i dont know what to say because i dont want to hurt his feelings, but i dont like him like that either.  it is hard.  i waitressed last night and as usual i got all the last tables that walked in so i was the last to leave.  i was still doing my closing duties when the last person left.  and he came to cortez just to talk to me.  which i really dont mind because he really is a nice guy and i wouldnt mind being friends with him at all, but i know that he wants more out of the relationship than i can give.  and i have even told him before that i wouldnt date a guy that drinks alcohol, does drugs, or smokes.  he only drinks alcohol, and even though he is 22 and it is legal for him, my religious beliefs are against that, so i wont lower my standards.  so yeah it is pretty stupid, i dont know what to do, i guess i will just wait it out and see if he likes someone else, even though that doesnt seem like it will happen at this point, i mean, dang, he has waited almost a whole year without likeing anyone else, i wish i could just tell him that he is wasteing his time, but i cant do that.  and plus i like somebody else.  well i must go to work now but much love to you all and Merry X-Mas!!

hey friends,

today was good, yesterday sucked though, you know those days where you are just kind of depressed for no reason and you feel like you have nobody to talk to.  but i am over it and today was much better.  i did good on all of my tests so that made me happy.  i leave after 2nd hour on fridays and so i just went to the highschool and took my english test, and that was all.  i was out by 10am.  i bought my yearbook today, and paid my culinary arts fee of $45.  then i went to wal-mart to buy some beads for necklaces i need to make, i then cashed my check and went to get some food.  then i got some gas, i love my new car it only takes $24 to fill it up for a week.  and then i just went home and played sims 2.  i am addicted to that game, it is so much fun, i love it.  and i should be going to get ready for squirrel's movie thingy for his birthday.  we are going to see the Chronicles of Narnia at 3:30.  i dont know i might not go, i dont feel that good right now.  i also feel lazy and tired.  i stayed up all last night reading one of my journals, the 6th one to be exact, and i am almost done with my 7th one right now so the one i read was from last year.  it is really funny to go back and read how i used to feel and think about certain things and people just one year ago, man it is especially funny to read who i used to have crushes on.  wow, it made me think how fast things change.  i love keeping a journal, when i go and read it i learn from my mistakes and feel like when i write everything down i just let go of it, it is the biggest stress reliever, and to people who know me that is one of my secrects of being stress free all the time is journal writing.  and blogs are nice, but it just isnt the same, because there really are some things that you really cant write on here, and in your journal it is totally personal and yours to create.  it is a hard habit to get in to, but it is worth it.  and i think it will even be more awesome when i am older and go read back on my life.  and my kids and grandkids will be able to read about my life.  i think that is so awesome.  well anyways i will write later much love and Merry Christmas to you all.

shana

hey everyone,

ive had a cool week so far.  yesterday was the christmas party at work! i got the 3rd season of family guy on dvd, and then i got a blue kool-aid purse with matching wallet, and jelly beans.  im happy that the person who drew me for the christmas drawing has a crush on me because he went like $20 over the limit for my present.  yay i love my present  and i got a $40 christmas bonus! yay!  and we had good food last night too!  i had lots of fun, i brought mandy to the party with me and we played the cup game! i havent played that game in like 3 years and it was awesome.  i love mandy she is my tacobell fatkid buddy!  and then after the party i went to mandy's house for like 3 hours, her house has become my new second home.  i love it, then when i got home i watched 2 episodes of family guy and it was the one where they were barfing all over the living room and i thought of cherise and lauren!! yay i love barf!!!.  and today was just an awesome day i loved it.  i was in a good mood all day long, first and second hour were boring, but for 3rd and 4th hour we got to watch saving silvermen, which is one of my favorite movies ever!!!  and i got the cutest bestest coolest christmas present from cherise! i love you cherise, and your present is awesome!  i got so many compliments on my gloves!! they are hot indeed.  and then art was....interesting.  that 5th hour class is full of horny little freshmen that are stupid.  and i got asked out like 9 times today, and i wanted to kill them all.  and 6th hour i just did nothing.  after school i went to tacobell with mandy like always, and dropped her off and now i am home, today was good, i cant wait until this week is over, no more school!!!!

hey friends,

today was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  and that is the biggest understatement of the century!!!!  my parents suprised me this morning with my new car!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  it is so freaking pretty and awesome, everytime i look at it i have to slap myself to make sure that i am not dreaming!  it is not in the color i wanted but they didnt have the color i wanted for what we could afford.  but it is still freaking awesome!!!  it is so pretty!!!!  i want to make sweet love to my new car!!!!!!!!!!!  haha, im just kidding, but seriously ive got um.  i drove it to church today and everyone thought i stole it.  hahah, it is freakin pretty!!!  even though i was a bit sad that i dont get to drive the pimpmobile suburban anymore, i think that 3 hours of crying is a sufficient amount for how awesome that car was.  i will miss it, but you know i cant offend my parents by not driving this new one so i am kind of obligated.  i just have to remember that all things will heal with time.  *sob* I'll be fine *sob*  i swear!!!! oh the agony!!  i am going to buy some stuff for my car tomorrow with mandy, i am excited!!!!  yay i am so excited that i think i will fat my pants in happiness!!!  and yes, i did use fat as a verb, if you dont like it then you can just die in a hole!!!  yay i love everything!!!

shana

hey everyone,

this weekend was okay, kinda boring though.  i wanted to go see harry potter this morning but they didnt have any afternoon or morning showtimes.  i had to work tonight and it was really slow, we closed like an hour early, but i made like $45, that isnt too bad for 2 and a half hours of work.  i think i made like $140 this week.  i think i am going christmas shopping this week, i have some gifts already bought, so i think that is good.  i think i have like 6 or 7 left to buy.  oh and i had another person accuse me of looking like violet off of the incredibles, i am cool.  well i pretty much dont have anything left to write so i will be leaving now.  much love to you all!

hello everyone,

today was okay i guess, i had to work both shifts at work today, but that was okay, i worked with squirrel tonight, that was amusing, and he wants to kill my picture of fatman and the barfmobile.  i am going to go to sports supply and see if they will make me a t-shirt of it, dont worry lauren i will make one for you too.  i feel bored with everything in my life right now, i feel like the only thing i am living for is to see tomorrow.  and then it is just another meaningless day to endure.  and no i am not going to kill myself or anything, i would never be that depressed or stupid, but i am just saying that i dont know where my life is going and i am trying to pretend like i dont care and forget about everything.  when i think about it my life is so boring i have never really experianced anything of much importance at all.  and alot of that is my fault, so im not blaming anyone.  i just really dont know what to do to make my life to where i like it.  dont get me wrong i have alot to be thankful for, but some things will never change and i hate that.  man i should just shut up, you guys dont want to hear about my problems.  well anyways....let's see something positive..... i found the car i am getting.  it is awesome and we are getting a great deal on it.  it is a 2006 saturn!  and there is only a $2000 down payment and then i pay $150 a month for 5 years, and i think that is freakin good for a 2006 model.  and i make like over $500 a month so that shouldnt be hard at all for me to pay.  and i am going to college here for my first year so i dont need much money for college yet.  and i am becoming a full time waitress this summer so i will be making like over $1,500 a month.  so i am set for this year.  i am pretty happy.  and i am going to the movies with chanise and miller tomorrow i think.  well i g2g so much love to all

hello everyone,

i got my check yesterday, and i made like $200 this week.  and that is good considering that i had 2 of my shifts taken away by thanksgiving.  so it was pretty cool.  yesterday was boring and today was also, gah my life is so boring!! yay!!!

well ive had quite a busy thanksgiving weekend.  wednesday i had to work both shifts at work, it was okay though i just stayed at cortez during the break and worked on my artwork, i am so excited about this new one.  but anyways, thanksgiving was fun, the whole family was there i just love my baby cousins, my cousin ryan has a baby boy named Nathan, and he is the cutest baby ever!  and my cousin leanne has a baby girl named Melody, and she is so cute.  they are both so adorable, it is weird to think that in about 6 years, i will have kids of my own.   and i ate like there was no tomorrow.  it was great.  then i waitressed friday morning and it was so busy.  i had 6 tables for 3 hours and i made $65, just to give you an idea.  and then later that night my whole family and i went to cortez, there were 30 of us.  we were celebrating my cousin erin, mine, and my cousin benjamin's birthdays.  and then we went back to the ranch, had cake, opened presents, and played board games till 3am.  it was awesome! balderdash is the coolest game ever when played with my family.  and i had so much fun.  and it was nice to know that someone cared about my birthday.  i really hated my birthday this year.  it is really sad when it is your 18th birthday, and not even your best friend cares.  i know i am sounding selfish and completely self-centred right now, but i dont care, your birthday is the one day where it should be okay for you to feel like that, you know like the spot light should be on you. especially your 18th.  but mine wasnt at all.  i did have my friends from cortez take me out to eat, but that was only because they felt sorry for me that my family wasnt doing anything for my birthday, they didnt say that but i know it was true, non the less i am still thankful for it.  i didnt even get a family birthday party.  not even one person from my family wished me a happy birthday.  i just wish for once that my friends and family loved me so much that they would remember my birthday and make me feel special without me reminding them about my birthday.  but thank you for your present christina it was awesome and it made me happy to know that you care, thanx you are an awesome friend.  and i am just really in a bad mood about this right now, and i know i probably shouldnt say this, but i am going to anyways.  see my family doesnt take centimental value into birthdays and things like that, infact i am 99% sure that they would all forget about it if i didnt remind them.  that is why i really count on my friends to make me feel special for that day.  and that is why katie and i arent friends anymore,  it is okay that she has other friends and demanding classes and she cant make more time for me, and i let it go and didnt say anything when she blew me off a few times this year, but on my birthday, the one day where, i think it should be all about me, and the one person i am counting on to make me feel loved and appreciated, lets me down again. i said i was mad, but i really wasnt,  i was just  really hurt that she doesnt care about me as much as i care about her.  and i still do care so much that it makes me want to cry.  do you know how bad it hurts to love and care about someone so much that hardly cares for you at all?  they might say they do, but their actions say otherwise.  and those of you who dont know me are probably saying, well this is just your side of the story and you were probably not a very good friend to her, and you have such tunnel vision that you dont think you did anything wrong.  well i really did the best i could, i called every chance i got, i tried to plan things where we could hang out every chance i could, i have never blown her off the whole 7 years we have been friends, i have never been embarrassed towards her or acted better than her in anyway that i know of, i tried to be there for her to talk for all her problems, i have kept all her secrets, and i always try to make her feel special on days like her birthday, with the exception of last year because we were in a fight during that time, and i apologized and told her i would make it up to her this year, and she understood.  so i honestly dont know how i failed at being a good friend, and i am really not saying that sarchastically in any way, i really dont understand.  and when we got in our fight she said there has been countless times that she has been unhappy with the things that i do, and i honestly dont know what those things are, i really dont know if i really did do something or if she was just trying to make me look like a bad friend. i mean i know i have character flaws, like me being a blunt person, but i think telling someone what you really think about something is better than talking behind their backs. and even though i want so bad to go and get everything worked out and be friends again, i just cant stand being hurt anymore.  and i dont even think when we were friends that she even considered me her best friend, and that makes me really sad.  and it is just sad right now, because i put so much time into that friendship that i hardly had any other close friends, and now that it is over, i dont have a best friend.  and i miss it so much.  but i am trying so hard to resist the urge of going and getting everything worked out.  most of my friends and family say that i shouldnt be friends with her anymore, that they would never forgive her for what she did.  but they dont understand how much i cared about that friendship, they dont understand how much time i devoted to it, and they dont understand that not talking to her is like not talking to my sister, i feel this special bond with her that seems almost irreplaceable.  and the thing is, here i am practically crushed about all of this, and to know that she doesnt even care, is the thing that hurts the most.  and i read her blog casually sometimes, because the last thing i want is bitterness between us.  and i came across an entry where she said that a girl she met over the internet is her best friend, and all the wonderful things this girl has done, and it seems like they have an awesome friendship and they are so perfect for each other.  and while i was reading i felt this overwhelming emotion of jealousy and anger, and as i got to the bottom of it i had to fight back the tears.  it hurt me so much to know that all the times i tried to be a good friend never mattered, that no matter what i did to try to be there it wasnt good enough.  and i dont know this because of what she says but because of her actions, the whole time we have been friends she has never wrote anything like that for me thanking me for all that i have done.  but the only satisfaction i have through this whole ordeal is that i honestly tried my best, and i cant do better than that.  ive tried to ignore it and even pretend like it doesnt matter to me, but ive just been kidding myself.  but i guess the only thing i have to do now is move on, there is no use crying over spilt milk.  so i must take this rotten part in my life and learn from it because i cant know happiness without misery.     oh and whoever reads this that is friends with katie, i am not trying to start any drama, i am just writing how i feel and this is how i feel.  and i really dont think katie will read this because she doesnt visit my blog anymore, but if she does by some miracle, i just want you to know that i am sorry that everything could not be worked out, but atleast i wont feel bad because i know that you have dania and you really dont need me, and i am not writing this to make you mad, or for you to feel sorry for me, i am just having a bad day and i am venting that is all.  but i dont care how mad i am at you, i will always care about you, and if you ever need anything you can always ask me.